Our healing happens in our own way in our own time. These steps are
necessarily followed one after the other, nor do they have any specific
frame. Some of them can be repeated many times before our healing
done. Some of them may not be necessary at all. Each of our healing
journeys unfold in their own way unique to who we are.
Develop a safety plan to get you safely through the rough times
in your healing journey. Create a safe, stable, nurturing personal
base for your wounded child self.
Explore the abuse, allow your pain to surface, search for the sources,
and uncover the wounds.
Accept and honor who you are. Reclaim your hurt inner child and
honor all of her efforts to survive.
Realize that you were not to blame for the actions of your abusers,
nor were you to blame if you were unable to stop the abuse.
Make a commitment to healing the wounds.
Mobilize your supports. Find safe people to be witnesses and allies
in your healing process; people who inspire, encourage and validate
you. Ask for support and nurturance from safe friends, family, peers,
therapists, social workers, self help groups, or support groups
led by a therapist or social worker.
Search for trusting relationships.
Identify personal triggers and defensive behaviors.
Remember the abuse. Little by little reconnect with and reclaim
the experience, the thoughts, emotions, spiritual and physical experience
of the abuse. If your abuse was extensive, you might want to take
lots of soothing, restful, rejuvinating breaks between memories.
Grieve your losses. Allow the fear, rage and sense of loss to surface.
Recognize the full extent of the abuse and feel the impact it has
had on your life.
Tell your story, externalize and share both your triumphs and your
pain. Remember your strengths.
Learn to trust yourself and others. Learn how to differentiate
between who you can and cannot trust.
Become aware of how your past influences your present. Identify
what blocks are in the way of accomplishing your goals.
Identify new coping skills, and discard old coping methods that
may have helped you get through the past, but no longer work in
Recognize who you are, what your strengths and weaknesses are,
what you like and don't like about yourself, what you want to keep
and what you want to change. Evaluate your belief system. Challenge
any faulty beliefs and perceptions that get in the way of your healing.
Develop positive, healthy attitudes and expectations about yourself
and the people you care about. Make the necessary changes in your
behavior and relationships.
Allow your anger and rage to surface. Recognize that this was a
natural response to the abuse. Learn how not to turn it against
yourself or others. Find healthy outlets for any remnants of aggression.
Confront your offenders either indirectly through journal writing,
fantasy work, visualizing, or role playing; or directly in letters
or in person (but not without lots of preparation and support).
Learn methods of expressing and asserting your needs and direct
confrontation techniques for future self-protection.
Reclaim every part of who you are with compassion and love.
Reclaim your own personal power. Accept that as an adult you can
thrive. You can be how you want to be, and you have the right to
live your life as you choose. Realize that you have the inner power
to effect change. Learn how not to abuse your power.
Reclaim the strong, healthy parts of yourself and let go of maladaptive
behavior patterns and hurtful relationships.
Reclaim your emotions by accepting them and listening to what they
are telling you. Find healthy ways to express them, then let them
Explore different ways to let go of the pain. Mentally give your
shame and guilt back to your abusers where it belongs. Develop an
understanding of the abuse that releases you from the past.
Reclaim your body. Embrace physical self care, nutrition, exercise,
Reclaim your self confidence and your sense of self worth. Take
time to focus on your accomplishments and all the things you like
Reclaim your sexual self. Recognize your worth as a sexual being.
Recognize your right to be involved in pleasurable, non-abusive
relationships. Pursue nurturing relationships.
Seek strong, positive connections to people you care about. Get
involved in community activities. Make time to be with friends.
Join a political cause. Give back to the people who have been there
for you. Help others overcome their abuse.
Find spiritual healing. Reclaim your spiritual self. Seek spiritual
guides. Strengthen your spiritual connections.
Realize peace within. In all aspects of love, parenting, work and
play, enjoy a happy, healthy, fulfilling, productive life.
Go to: Abusive Church Characteristics
The Cult Test
Child Abuse statistics   OR back to Child Abuse.